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Interesting Stuff and Such

A few interesting things I've found online!

Brain Teasers
 
If Susan is 10, Arabella is 20, and Jim and Neal are both 5, but 
Richard is 10, how much is Jennifer by the same system?
 
In front of you, there are 9 coins. They all look absolutely identical, but one of the coins is fake. However, you know that the fake coin is lighter than the rest, and in front of you is a balance scale. What is the least number of weighings you can use to find the counterfeit coin?
 
 
A rich man named Stuart Laidlaw had been counting his money. 
When he finished, he accidentally left a $1000.00 bill on his 
desk but when he returned for it a short while later, it was 
gone. Only two other persons could have seen the bill. One was 
the cook; the other was the gardener. The cook told him that she 
had hidden it for safekeeping under a green book that was on the 
desk. But when they looked the bill was not there.  The gardener 
said he had found the bill where the cook had left it. He had 
placed it inside the book, where he thought there was less 
chance that somebody would find it. He had written down the page 
numbers so that he would not forget them. The bill was between 
pages 45 and 46, he said.  But when they looked, there was no 
money in the book. After Mr. Laidlaw had talked to the cook and 
the gardener, he called the police. He was sure he knew who had 
taken the money. Who was it, and how did he know?
 
 
I Have been getting plenty of requests for the answers to these riddles, however, as I have lost the page that I got these from, I only remember the answers to the first and the third.  Scroll down for the answers-
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
1- Well, try a hint- it has to do with syllables...
 
3- Another hint- pick up a book, and look at the page numbers

Yes by'!  These people said that?
 
Why dont you learn to swim?
Jean Marchand to opposition members from Newfoundland on transportation problems between the island and Canadas Mainland. 
 
Stand up, speak up, then shut up. The human mind can absorb only what the human seat can endure.
Hugh Shantz, B.C. politician

If I tell a lie, its only because I think Im telling the truth. ~ Phillip A. Gaglardi  B.C. politician 

The Hon. Member disagrees. I can hear him shaking his head. ~ Pierre Trudeau, former Canadian prime minister 

The calamities of the Maritimes have always been casually passed along as acts of God, over which governments have no responsibility; while apparently, from the official point of view Divinity does not operate in other sectors of Canada. ~ J. J. Hayes Doone, Canadian Senator

I have opinions of my own --strong opinions-- but I don't always agree with them. ~ George Bush, former U.S. President
 
 
And now, will y'all stand and be recognized. ~ Gib Lewis, Texas Speaker of the House, to a group of people in wheelchairs on Disability Day
 
 
They're multipurpose. Not only do they put the clips on, but they take them off. ~ Pratt & Whitney spokesperson explaining why the company charged the Air Force nearly $1000 for an ordinary pair of pliers.
 
Canadians shouldnt come down to Southern California and take jobs away from our Mexicans ~ Stanley R. Ross
 
When the war breaks out in Mexico, I'll be living up in Montreal; Got a forty-second cousin up in Canada and it's time I paid a friendly call. ~ U.S. draft dodger's ditty, 1864
 
Are we fighting the English or the Germans? ~ Richard B. Bennett in a  letter to Sir Robert Borden, Dec. 7, 1915 referring to problems of British command of Canadian troops
 
They have good reason to be suspicious, for in the past there have been occasions when a friendly hand from the government turned out to have a knife in it. ~ James Gladstone,first Canadian Indian senator
 
Canada is dependent on the United States for its culture, its economy, its defence, and its baby alligators. In contrast, the only thing that the States really needs from Canada is water. Some U.S. senators believe that if a way can be found to rid Canada of its impurities (the Canadian people), the country has a tremendous potential as a reservoir. ~ Eric Nicol, Canadian humorist and author
 
We sing about the North, but live as far south as possible. ~ J. B. McGeachy, Canadian journalist
 
Land Claims - A classic example of Canadian compromise, 50/50, equal rights: the Inuit, Indians and Metis have the claims; the Canadian government keeps the land. ~ Alan Gould "The Great Wiped-Out North"

Top Ten Stuff
 

Canadian movies not nominated for an Oscar

 

10.

   From here to Tuktayuktuk
9. Moses Znaimer: My Life
8. Nanook, Nanook!
7. 22 Short Stories about Baffin Island
6. Snow Day: School's Out
5. Attack of the Metis
4. Three Men and a Two-Four
3. One Night at Tim Horton's
2. Not Another Canadian Movie
1. Mel Lastman, My Dad Too

Top Ten Signs Your Weatherman Is On Drugs

10. Assures viewers heavy downpour of spiders should end by midday

9. During weather report, finishes three cans of Pringles

8. Begins segment with "A big shout-out to my main dude, Sam the Snowman"

7. How else do you explain seeing a Doppler 4000 in local pawn shop?

6. Segues to sports guy by saying, "Now here's the narc"

5. Between "Thun-" and "-der", a 3-minute pause while he stares into camera

4. Stands next to map of U.S., screams, "Fear me, I'm a giant!"

3. Says, "There are record highs in this area"; points to head

2. When he says, "Expect 2 to 3 inches of snow," it ain't no ski report

1. So stoned he doesn't know difference between nimbostratus clouds and stratocumulus clouds

Top Ten Things The Founding Fathers Would Say If They Were Alive Today

10. "Remember that electoral college thing we made up when we were drunk? They're still using it!"

9."Maybe that ruthless monarchy thing in England wasn't such a bad idea after all..."

8. "Good to see Florida is still using the same old voting machines"

7. "That's odd -- in my day, we also had a senator named Strom Thurmond"

6."So that's the Washington Monument? Yeah, in his dreams"

5."Giuliani has really wrecked Times Square"

4."We risk our lives to form this great nation and you wanna let George W. Bush run it?!"

3."Back in our time there certainly wasn't anyone as man-tastic as Ricky Martin"

2."He did what in the Oval Office?"

1."Screw this, we're going to Canada"

Top Ten Signs Disney Is Out of Control

10. Disney employees must have finger amputated so Mickey doesn't feel like outcast

9. They refuse to let Huey, Dewey and Louie see their Cuban father

8. If you listen carefully to Donald Duck, you can make out long strings of profanity-laced ethnic slurs

7. Pokemon characters keep turning up face down in the Hudson

6. The last time I said something bad about Disney, my heart exploded

5. Euro-Disney troops have overrun Poland and the low countries

4. Daytime pass for a child under 12 is now $78,500

3. In a nightclub altercation, Mickey's thugs shot Stuart Little

2. Tinkerbell? Implants

1. Bill Clinton has been acting awfully animatronic lately